Thursday, May 29, 2008
Friday, May 9, 2008
This is the work of Archie, the uber spy, 006 as they call him, and not my own. I appreciatte all the hatemail i have received over the last week (I love you guys too!) but all the credit belongs to Archie, you can reach him at email@example.com
Once again his holiness, the SaBear, cautioned the crimson, huddled masses to "keep it down home" or he would find a way to avoid the next revival tour...
Cell phones and cameras were checked at the door once again and he warned any press present to pen or report exactly ZERO on his comments or he would help them find other gainful employment. He reminded them that the REC was a powerful, far reaching instrument at his disposal and if they doubted he would use it, he would provide them with Neal McCready's phone number. Most of the assembled press bowed their heads and closed their eyes and ears for the rest of the evening.
He finished his introductory remarks by warning everyone (AGAIN) against posting anything pursuant to his comments on the net or it would become instant "news"
So let it be written, so let it be done!
I'm getting bored with reporting on his repetitive refrain of "The University of Alabama is special. Alabama fans are special. I am special." . . .so let me just report of some of his "inside" spuat football comments...
1. If Prince Hall comes back he will certainly be suspended for a few games. Or maybe a half or two. Depends on the opponent and the half-time score.
2. Fans do not need to get down on JPW. JPW is real hard on himself and true bammers everywhere need to support him. He plays worse when his confidence is down.
3. Jimmy Johns is athletic and physical enough to play linebacker. He just can't learn the schemes. And "we're not gonna' play a HS defense at alabammer!" The players say he is not reliable but "I" love Jimmy Johns because he works hard and loves to play football.
4. HE wants 1 big non-conference game every season. He is trying to get Notre Dame while they are still a lousy football team. HE will never schedule LA Monroe again. BIG mistake on somebody's part.
5. HE asserted HE expects the stadium to be expanded within the next year. HE doesn't give a DAMN about what the University President thinks about spending priorities and the DAMN guy better stay out of his way if he knows what's GOOD for him. Ask Neal McCready about the REC. HE said WHEN (not if) the expansion happens that Bryant-Denny-Tuberville Stadium will be one of the top 3 stadiums in the country.
6. HE specifically said that the rest of the SEC sees what HE is building at CousinGrinder U and they are scared Sh##less. The day is NOT far off when HE will rule the SEC as Bryant once did and coaches will come and go at Auburn, LSU, UT, and the rest of the SEC like a bunch of "falling dominoes."
7. And, finally, when that DAY comes...he wants to see his DAMN statue all over the DAMN campus.
Im Pressin Charges!!! - Watch more free videos
This cheerful young lady that wants to know if you would like to see "Jesus kill George Bush" is wearing an Atlanta Braves hat and is not an Alabama fan as you may think at first glance. In fact due to her locale and her mouth, I would assume she is a thUGA grad.
This is actually Knowshon Moreno's girlfriend, no wonder she has that penchant for singing soulja boy... SHe did not in fact press any charges, and apologizes saying she was high when the incident occured and she would never act like this in public sober.
Friday, May 2, 2008
Les Miles has dismissed Ryan Perrilloux from the LSU football team because of his affair with Pitcher Roger Clemens. Coach Les Miles said Perrilloux, who had been suspended three times in his college career, "didn't fulfill his obligation as an LSU student-athlete," but did not offer details. LSU said Friday that Perrilloux is expected to finish out the spring semester at the school. Miles suspended Perrilloux in February, shortly before spring practice began, for unspecified team violations. Perrilloux's former high school coach, who remains close to the quarterback and his family, has said Perrilloux missed a mandatory team meeting, then missed classes to attend his father's funeral without notifying coaches. It was the third suspension for Perrilloux, who was to be the Tigers' starting QB this year. Perrilloux has been involved in a counterfeiting investigation, used a fake ID to enter a Baton Rouge, and was involved in an incident at a nightclub in November, where 3 LSU football players fought bouncers. When the cops showed up they simply sent everyone home but Perrilloux and the other 2 LSU (Jeremy Benton and Derrick Odom) players threatened the bar employees as they left. After this little "incident" at about 4 in the morning Derrick Odom and 2 masked men (that suspiciously looked like Perrilloux and Benton) were caught on video smashing out windows and denting the car of an employee of the bar. Odom was charged, and he and Benton were promptly thrown off the team, Perrilloux simply sat out the win over Alabama. This is according to an employee of the Varsity whose car it was that was damaged, all of his accounts have vanished since about a week after the incident. You can read the similar police report here that of course does not mention Perrilloux returning to the scene, only masked men. Hmmmm…
LSU will be better off without him, and I applaud LSU coach Les Miles for kicking him off the team. Sure it was a long time coming, but they did have to workout the buyout in his contract. Miles has now in a sense sacrificed LSU's season because they will have a transfer from Harvard starting at QB. But you can afford such things when you just won a national title.
Early rumors say Perrilloux will transfer to F$U, we can only hope. Maybe he will follow Cecil Collins footsteps to McNeese State.
If Nick Saban were still the coach at LSU, his punishment would be One-game--whoops, I mean, one-half suspension against Tulane and Bad-mouthing Perrilloux to pro scouts after his eligibility was used up.
This is completely stolen from Archie, this was passed on to me through an email this morning and the apparently legendary spy deserves all the credit for these notes.
Notes from the SaBear/REC Revival meeting in Huntsville last evening...
Sporting a teal (as in it could have come straight from the Miami Dolphins team store) blazer, Nick Saban arrived as the '80s rock star of the Crimson Caravan last evening in Huntsville.
He joked that he'd heard too much criticism about always wearing one of his three (he does have more than one!) gray suits that he branched out with the Don Johnson look, complete with the black mock turtleneck.
Anyway, during his brief visit with the media before speaking to a crowd of about 700 foaming at the mouth turder incestors at the South Hall of Von Braun Center, he spoke highly of the spuat nation, who he asserts is deserving of the imminent return to their "rightful" place among college football powers. (I thought they were already there - 8th or 9th best program in the SEC this decade.)
He was clearly not happy with the published reports of his private comments during his Crimsom Revival stops at Dothan and Talladega earlier last week and this week; he told the media present that if he saw his visit mentioned or if any of his remarks were printed or recorded in any form, he would not return to Huntsville to speak again.
Later, when he addressed the true believers and rock star worshippers, he warned them, too, that if any of his comments made it to the internet, he'd never set foot in a REC meeting in Huntsville again. Shortly thereafter, his storm troopers starting taking photos and names of the 700 members of the congregation in case they needed to track down any infidels later. They KNOW where YOU live!
His actual speaking engagement lasted 20-25 minutes. He really got the cousin grinders and 'necks fired up and they interrupted his fire and brimstone speech every 2-3 minutes with standing ovations and Rebel yells. I'm convinced if you closed your eyes and just listened to his molding and manipulation of the true believers, you could easily transport yourself back to the late '30s, early '40s and find yourself in Nazi Germany -- listening to Hitler scream and shout about PURITY of RACE, RIGHTFUL PLACE IN HISTORY, DOMINATING THE WORLD...and on and on. Seriously.
He reminded everyone of "how close" spuat was to dominating the SEC last year (close, late losses to eventual BCS Champion LSU as well as an OT loss to this year's pre-season #1 pick, UGA); he promised that "they" hadn't seen anything yet, that last year's #1 ranked recruiting class was "just the beginning"...within three years spuat's 85-man squad would be the biggest, strongest, deepest, most talented 85-man squad in all of college football. He repeated (at least 3-4 times) the mantra that HE would DOMINATE his in-state rival on and off the field, that college football would soon FEAR the spuat Program....that college football programs, coaches, and fans would absolutely "rue the day" HE took the head coaching job at spuat. That remark drew a standing O that was heard throughout southeast Huntsville for 3-4 minutes. In addition, I'm pretty sure I saw close to 100 cousins drop to the floor and start having sex - they were so excited about the Savior's promises...
By the way, I would offer photographic evidence of this but all cameras and cell phones were confiscated at the door.
At any rate, the SaBear closed the evening's worship service with the same closing remarks heretofore offered at all of his recent Revival meetings...
"The University of Alabama is special. Alabama fans are special."
"I am special."
Autographed copies of THE SaBear with his 2008 National Recruiting Championship Trophy were sold at the door on the way out; they were sold out in less than 5 minutes.