Friday, May 9, 2008

From last night's travelin' crimson revival meeting in turdtown...

Preface:
This is the work of Archie, the uber spy, 006 as they call him, and not my own. I appreciatte all the hatemail i have received over the last week (I love you guys too!) but all the credit belongs to Archie, you can reach him at jughead@gmail.com

Once again his holiness, the SaBear, cautioned the crimson, huddled masses to "keep it down home" or he would find a way to avoid the next revival tour...

Cell phones and cameras were checked at the door once again and he warned any press present to pen or report exactly ZERO on his comments or he would help them find other gainful employment. He reminded them that the REC was a powerful, far reaching instrument at his disposal and if they doubted he would use it, he would provide them with Neal McCready's phone number. Most of the assembled press bowed their heads and closed their eyes and ears for the rest of the evening.

He finished his introductory remarks by warning everyone (AGAIN) against posting anything pursuant to his comments on the net or it would become instant "news"

So let it be written, so let it be done!

I'm getting bored with reporting on his repetitive refrain of "The University of Alabama is special. Alabama fans are special. I am special." . . .so let me just report of some of his "inside" spuat football comments...

1. If Prince Hall comes back he will certainly be suspended for a few games. Or maybe a half or two. Depends on the opponent and the half-time score.

2. Fans do not need to get down on JPW. JPW is real hard on himself and true bammers everywhere need to support him. He plays worse when his confidence is down.

3. Jimmy Johns is athletic and physical enough to play linebacker. He just can't learn the schemes. And "we're not gonna' play a HS defense at alabammer!" The players say he is not reliable but "I" love Jimmy Johns because he works hard and loves to play football.

4. HE wants 1 big non-conference game every season. He is trying to get Notre Dame while they are still a lousy football team. HE will never schedule LA Monroe again. BIG mistake on somebody's part.

5. HE asserted HE expects the stadium to be expanded within the next year. HE doesn't give a DAMN about what the University President thinks about spending priorities and the DAMN guy better stay out of his way if he knows what's GOOD for him. Ask Neal McCready about the REC. HE said WHEN (not if) the expansion happens that Bryant-Denny-Tuberville Stadium will be one of the top 3 stadiums in the country.

6. HE specifically said that the rest of the SEC sees what HE is building at CousinGrinder U and they are scared Sh##less. The day is NOT far off when HE will rule the SEC as Bryant once did and coaches will come and go at Auburn, LSU, UT, and the rest of the SEC like a bunch of "falling dominoes."

7. And, finally, when that DAY comes...he wants to see his DAMN statue all over the DAMN campus.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Fuck you, you homo tennesse or awlbarn fan! Your probably a fan of both, you probably blow tubervile while fulmer does you up the butt. You are all just scared of Alabama and Saban. Now that we have a real coach we are going to dominate the SEC again like we deserve. 13 is coming

Anonymous said...

This message is a public service announcement from the Shreveport Chamber of Commerce.

"We at the SCC look forward to the annual visit payed us each year by the Alabama Crimson Tide football team. Each year, the Bammers come to Shreveport with their sterling 6-6 record to battle the 9th best team in the Big 12."

"We've set up a special Tide Info Hot Line at the Chamber so Alabama fans can make their travel arrangements WELL in advance."

"This year Alabama will bring yet another team filled with convicted felons to Shreveport."

"Head coach Nick "The Great" Saban and his battling band of gang bangers will arrive one week prior to the game. At that time, local law enforcement will execute warrants for the Tide players wanted for numerous crimes in the State of Louisiana."

"The Weedeater Bowl is proud to have the Tide back in Shreveport once again and we look forward to your arrival."

Anonymous said...

Get your reservations early Lil Bammers!

http://www.motel6.com/reservations/motel_detail.aspx?num=0391