Urban Meyer’s Herban Turkey

Dude, Have you touched my hair?

Dude, come touch my hair.

1 Whole 12 to 14 pound turkey thawed

½ cup rosemary sprigs, fresh

½ cup sage leaves, fresh

1 ½ cup Italian seasoning

1 apple, quartered

stalk celery, halved

1 onion, halved

1 stick of butter, melted

Salt and Pepper

Remove giblets and neck from turkey; reserve for other uses if you are a sick bastard, Urban throughs them away after massaging them for a moment. Rinse turkey with cold water and pat dry. Loosen skin from the turkey breast a bit, rub some Italian seasoning under skin then smooth skin over herbs and back into place. Place apple, celery, the rest of the Italian seasoning, the rosemary, sage and onion into the neck cavity. Place the turkey, breast side up, on a rack in a shallow roasting pan; brush with melted butter. Sprinkle with salt and pepper (and some more Italian seasoning if you want). Pour a cup or two of water into the bottom of the pan. Cover turkey loosely with a piece of aluminum foil. Bake at 175° (lowest setting) overnight, in the morning baste the turkey with the juices. Turn the heat up to 375 uncover the turkey and continue to baste every ten minutes for about another hour or two. (meat thermometer should read 180 in the thickest part. Remove turkey and let stand 15 minutes before carving. Serve with gravy.